Tips and Stories

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Not sure if i'm doing this in the right place, just signed up by my mum has been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer this year and has been fighting it for nearly 3 months now. After a unsuccessful chemotherapy I'm a little broken as to the fact that my mum has gone through all this pain and agony, lack of sleep and food and the quality of a normal human life only for more  bad news to be brought by it, she had a tumour (growth) growing in her pancreas which was too big to operate on, we got the good news that it shrunk but shortly after we received news that it has spread to her lungs, my parents and brother have tried to explain to me what's happening but i'm trying hard to shut it out and pretend it isn't happening, I don't want to be saddened by it, I wan't to ignore it and I want it to go away, is this normal? I'm avoiding my Mum and family too scared to face what's happening as I want to savour what little happiness I have left, I feel like once my Mum passes away i'm never going to be happy again. I am 16 years old and graduate in two years and it hurts me to think about my Mum not seeing her little boy graduate and move out, I know i'm going to regret avoiding my Mum when she passes away but it hurts a lot to talk to her cause she is always sad, i'm also really scared that when she passes away my friends are all going to treat me differently, I don't want the school to tell my class that my Mum has passed away, i dont want to tell anyone, i dont want them to treat me differently or stop talking to me cause they dont know how to deal with someone who is depressed, I just want to bottle it up and not give anything away, so far the only person I have told about my Mum is my girlfriend who is very supportive but sometimes when I talk about it I feel like im talking to a robot who gets the same responses every time, e.g "Omg i'm so sorry this must be so tough i'm here for you", I feel like im not normal because this kind of response means nothing to me, I feel like the text means nothing.

Anyway thank you for reading this if someone does.