My Nana's in Hospital and I'm taking a holiday.

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Daddysbabygirl

14/10/2019

Hey everyone, so this is my first post on this blog so I am still trying to figure out what I'm doing.  

I should warn you now, I am going to ramble so please bare with me and in case anyone was wondering why I'm posting my holiday story it is for two reasons. 

  1. I need to vent to someone about what’s going on in my head throughout this entire fiasco and don’t want to burden anyone (you’ll understand why soon). 
  2. I’m not sure if this is correct or not but I'm hoping that by me sharing my journey throughout this experience that it might help someone else not feel so alone. 

So to get straight into it.

Over the past year I have been doing a fair bit of traveling by myself which is both a blessing and a curse. Don't get me wrong I love travelling and I'm not about to give it up but traveling with anxiety is in itself a challenge, but this next trip of mine is going to be the worst yet. 

Before I explain why I need to tell you a few things. 

  1. My father died from cancer when I was 15. 
  2. I’m an only child with a single mother
  3. I have social/general anxiety
  4. My grandmother has cancer

So now you know a little of what I’m going through I’ll explain what’s happening right now. Couple of months ago I found out about a concert I have always wanted to go to came to my city and I decided that I wanted to go to it so I saved up for months to go see it (It was in Brisbane by the way) so I booked the weekend out and went to see finding out a couple of weeks later that OzCon was also on that weekend I planned a 3 day weekend. 

So far this just sounds like a normal long weekend right … wrong the week before I left I was a wreck, I was contemplating canceling the entire trip and staying home (which thankfully I didn’t do) and even while I was there I was an absolute mess. Mostly due to a PMS and anxiety overload. I was a panicked, crying, overloaded mess and everyday I wished I was home. Thankfully I planned out my entire weekend two weeks before that weekend so all I had to do was go through the motions to the events and activities (for those of us who have anxiety that is a must do with travel, always plan ahead).

Anyway, to cut it short when I got home the panic and disarray that was my weekend became calmness and tranquility.  Even though my entire weekend was an emotional rollercoaster the stillness that came afterwards was more then welcome 

So after all that i started planning my next holiday to Sydney (that’s where I’m going by the way) and I really wanted to go, mostly because there is a concert I wanted to see. So anyway I have already booked this holiday and I can’t back out which for me is normally a good thing because it means that it’s inevitable so all I can do is plan and that what I’ve done. I have planned out every activity that I want to do while I’m down there which drastically helps my brain however I have recently found out that my Nana’s surgery is going to be on the day I fly out and obviously the week I’m in Sydney is the week she is in recovery. She gets home from the hospital the day after I fly back.

So now I’ve not only got the stress from being away from my home for 5 days, I also worry about my nana having surgery and hoping she doesn’t get an infection to deal with as well. So yeah you can see why this isn’t going to plan.

Oh and before I sign off I’ll mention one more thing, the B and B im staying at, there reception shuts at 7pm and i’m not arriving until 10 pm so now I have to pray the code for the after hours safe works so I can get in to my room.

I’ll keep you updated when I finally get to Sydney as well, just in case anyone actually reads this.

Signing off for now,

Daddy’s baby girl.