It's been a little while since I've posted and during that short time a lot has changed. My mum passed away last Saturday. Just a few hours after I had left the hospital. Honestly I'm doing well. I can't tell if the grief just hasn't set in yet or if I'm just grateful I got as much time as I did and am content knowing she is free of pain.
This week I planned a funeral I never thought I'd have to plan for at least another 30 years, it was tough but I think the service is going to be beautiful. It feels as if one door is closing and another has just opened. I'm going to miss mum. I'm always going to need her and think of her when things get tough but I live for her now and for myself. I lost a big part of my life: not just my mother but looking her after her everyday for the last couple years was all I ever was and now I feel a bit lost. It feels weird doing things for myself.
I'd like to say her eulogy or maybe even read a poem but I know I won't be able to take two steps towards the front before tears run down my face. Right now it's been a few days since I've cried but I think the funeral will cause all that pain to resurface. As for now, I prefer to look at the brighter sides of things.
I haven't been in this community for very long, but, I am glad to be apart of it. even though my mum's battle has come to end I will still choose to be apart of canteen and be here for others in anyway I can help. So thankyou, to anyone that's ever just reacted to my posts or even replied - it helps. :D you're never alone even when you tell yourself you are.