My mother passed away from a brain tumor in 2018 on the 27th of October. the two year anniversary was recent, and it brought up a lot of old memories and emotions.

The day my mum passed, i didn't cry. i didn't really feel much at all. i felt like i should've cried, but i didn't. I wasn't at the hospital that day either, i felt a little sick and wanted to stay home. i really regret that. is it normal to not feel those days? i didn't cry at the funeral, or the two past anniversaries. Is that normal?

i still don't feel much, but when i do it feels like i'm getting hit by a truck. i just sob and cry and don't stop. I can barely talk about this even with my sisters. they seem to have processed their grief well and i haven't at all.

I'm starting to forget more and more about my mum. i can't remember anything before the year she got cancer and all the bad memories that was in that year. i feel really guilty. i should remember her. she would remember me, so why can't i?

i wish i did more that year to help her and my family. i was only 14, but still, i could've done more. that's my biggest regret.

i wish she was here to see how i'm doing in school. i know she'd be proud of me, but at the same time i feel like she'd be disappointed that i can't feel much and haven't properly processed it. is it bad that it's been two years and i still haven't faced it? i still haven't properly processed my grief?

is there anyone who can relate to these experiences? any advice on how to cope?

this is kind of a vent post, i'm just not sure where to talk about this. thanks for reading :)