Welcome to Canteen Connect!

Hello New Canteener, I would like to welcome you to Connect, where you can be who you are, what you want, and just be yourself, judgement free.My name is Bobby, and I started my journey with Canteen after my Dad was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer. After his passing at the start of the year, I became a Connect Leader and what an honour and privilege has been. I have had good days and bad days, but it always seemed to help when I&rsquo;d log into Canteen Connect, and see what complete strangers are writing or commenting on. Over time, some of those strangers turn to friendships, people who start to check-in on you; a community is created where everybody looks out for everyone. A lot of the things I read are like the way I&rsquo;m feeling, things I can relate to. With the support that Connect has shown, it&rsquo;s enabled me to adapt to life outside Connect. The biggest lesson is that cancer doesn&rsquo;t choose who it is going to affect. It doesn&rsquo;t discriminate someone&rsquo;s culture, nationally, age bracket or sexuality, or even which family member. Cancer can affect people from all walks of life, and in different ways. The good thing about Connect is that it allows a diverse mix of people to share their journey through cancer, from all over Australia and New Zealand, while helping guide others through their own path.For me, Connect has been an amazing experience. You can have a bad day, and people understand what you are going through without judgement. It&rsquo;s &nbsp;indescribable; a sigh of relief that you can finally be at ease with people who understand you, and what you are going through.So I hope you enjoy your time with Connect - smile, remember to reach out, and most importantly you&rsquo;re never alone&hellip; cause we are stronger together.Bobby.

My parent died from cancer

My parent has cancer

I survived cancer

I'm a young person with cancer

My sibling died from cancer

My sibling has cancer

Bobby's Story

My parent survived cancer

My sibling survived cancer

Friends

Hey everyone! So I know I’m one of the lucky ones cause my mum survived cervical cancer 4 years ago but I miss who she was before the cancer. Since cancer she’s hasn’t been herself, the cancer caused her to go into early menopause, and she’s since been diagnosed with Graves’ disease and recently she has been fighting off viral infection after viral infection. It’s scary because when I see her lying in bed unwell my brain takes me back to when she had cancer, to when I thought she was going to die. And this causes me a lot of anxiety... I wonder if this happens to anyone else? I have memories of mum doing cartwheels with my sister and I in the garden, jumping waves with us at the beach, horse ridding, I used to take all of these thing for granted. And I know how lucky I am to still have her around but I wish I could have pre cancer mum back. And at the same time I feel guilty for wishing it. Back when mum was first diagnosed with cancer my sister came up with a metaphor for our situation, we were all embarking on a really scary train ride in a dark tunnel and at the end of the tunnel was a beautiful light, a place where we could be happier and stronger than ever. The problem is it feels like with been in the tunnel for four years and we still aren’t any closer to the end, mums cancer might be gone but she’s still not healthy. And times like these I wonder if she ever will be again... UPDATEmum had a biopsy the other week, to see if her cancers back. The doctors said it was just to be on the safe side but it doesn’t make waiting any less scary. I dunno why but when I found out we had to wait two weeks for the biopsy I felt like the world should go on pause for two weeks. Then I remember that’s not how it works. The world keeps spinning regardless of how out of control it all feels. No preexisting issues go away to make room for the new ones, and the hard part is making sure they don’t all take over. It’s realising what is and what isn’t in your control and putting what isn’t to aside to deal with what is. That’s probably the biggest lesson I’ve learnt from my mums whole cancer journey, accepting that I can’t control everything and just spending time on what I can.

After a parent has survived cancer

Family

Hi My Name Is CharlieAnd I was wondering if anyone else knows how it feels to feel like you are forgetting your loved ones. Someday's I can't even remember her and it's only been 4.5 years. I don't remember&nbsp;what she looked like, what she smelled like, and what she was like... Some day's I miss her so much that when I watch videos or look at photos she doesn't even look like my mum. I feel like I've dishonored her by forgetting her. I've been told by people "it's normal to forget" and "it's the healthy thing" but for me it doesn't feel that way. She wouldn't give up on me. So why can't I even remember her.

Trying Not To Forget

Grief & Bereavement

Welcome to CanTeen Connect! No-one knows more about what dealing with cancer is like than someone who's been there and done it. So it'd be great if you could tell us a bit about you and your experiences...

Introduce yourself

Sort of unrelated to anything cancer, but related to COVID19 - I made a fun video a few days ago and thought some people here would enjoy a laugh ;)<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrznOwJdHYI&amp;t=3s" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrznOwJdHYI&amp;t=3s</a><iframe class="ql-video" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VrznOwJdHYI?showinfo=0"></iframe>

Just a fun video!

Random Chat

I always grew up thinking that our bodies would tell us when there is something seriously wrong. With breast cancer you can find a physical lump, with a stoke you get numbness on your left side etc. by default, I assumed that you would know you have cancer. When my mum was diagnosed, she wasn’t even going to go to the doctor. She has the faintest of pain in her shoulder. It was only because she had a history of blood clots in her family that the doctor even ran a blood test and sent her to the hospital. Knowing this now, it’s scary to me. It was such a small thing that most people would put down to a muscle pain and leave it. Now every new ache or pain I get, I end up with severe anxiety thinking I’m next. Though covid I had what I assumed was the same symptoms as mum did and I had a full blown meltdown. I didn’t sleep, I was waking my fiancé up every hour because I was scared I was going to die if I closed my eyes. The feeling that if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again. I know there is no “normal” after loosing someone you love, so there is no point in me asking “is this normal?”. But I guess my question is, has anyone experienced this? And what did you do to help cope with being so scared over such small things.

Medical Anxiety

Wellbeing and Self Care

Join the SA crew for some awesome team games, a catch up and a good laugh. Halloween dress up too (optional but strongly encouraged!) :) WHO: This event will be hosted by&nbsp;Sasha &amp; Marisa&nbsp;from the SANT team and is open to&nbsp;all 12-25 y.o.s&nbsp;from SAWHEN:&nbsp;Wednesday 21st Oct 2020, 4-7pm&nbsp;SAWHERE:&nbsp;Adelaide CBDTo RSVP: Places are limited so click the 'register your interest' button to RSVP by Monday&nbsp;12th Oct 2020 :)

South Australia

SA October Drop In

This is an opportunity for rangatahi in the Central Hub (anyone from Wellington up to New Plymouth and across to Hawkes Bay) to connect and get to know one another! We will be making some origami and just having a chilled eventHosted by Abi Clark, Youth Worker in Wellington, NZThursday the 22nd of October, 5:30pmVia ZoomRSVP by clicking the "Register" button. We hope to see you there!

New Zealand

NZ Central Hub Drop-In: Origami

People

Connect with peers

Discussions

Share my story

Events

Get involved

Resources

Get information

Chat to a counsellor

Counselling

Canteen is committed to providing a safe and inclusive service for all people regardless of their ethnicity, culture, faith, disability, sexuality, gender, or economic situation. If you need an interpreter, please feel free to contact the Australian Government interpreting service on 131 450 or InfoNOW Aotearoa New Zealand on 0800 656 656. <ol><li>Keep it respectful: Everyone has different beliefs and values. It is important that everyone feels welcome to have their say, especially regarding their own lived experience. You might not always agree with another&rsquo;s opinion or approach, but you should still be respectful of everyone in this space.</li><li>Keep it safe: As a member of Canteen Connect, you have the right to feel safe and respected. If you see something that is offensive, inappropriate, worrisome, or spam, please report it. This applies to both posts and private messages &ndash; please note private messages will only be visible to staff if reported.</li><li>Keep it private: We know that privacy is important to you. It&rsquo;s important to us too. Remember that you can always choose to make your discussion post private. Canteen Connect&rsquo;s content is viewable without a log-in, including non-private posts, your username and image. That&rsquo;s why we encourage you to create a username that keeps you anonymous and does not include your first and last name. When speaking about your experience, please do not name hospitals, doctors, medications or specific medical advice you&rsquo;ve been given. If you&rsquo;d like to learn more you can read our privacy policy here <a href="https://www.canteen.org.au/privacy-policy/">https://www.canteen.org.au/privacy-policy/</a></li><li>Keep it appropriate: Our admins may remove any content that could be considered harmful or identifying personal information (phone number, address, school, etc.) If your post is removed, admin will contact you to explain why. </li><li>Keep it peer-based: Canteen Connect&rsquo;s discussion spaces are designed for peer support, not professional advice. As every person&rsquo;s situation is different, nothing can replace the advice of your or your loved one&rsquo;s treating team of health professionals. Posts providing medical advice will be removed. 
You might notice some young people have -ConnectLeader on the end of their username. These are young people who have been part of Connect for a while, and have volunteered to be part of our online Leadership Program (which includes ongoing meetings, training and development). These Leaders have signed a Code of Conduct, have a good awareness of Connect, and can provide peer support. Connect Leaders are young people just like you, not professionals. If a Leader is concerned about you, they will direct you towards a staff member who can help. If you&rsquo;re interested in Leadership, you can express your interest by emailing <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a></li><li>Keep it simple: We ask that individuals only have one account. If you&rsquo;re having issues accessing the Canteen Connect community, please contact <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a></li><li>Worried about someone? Has someone private messaged you or left a comment that&rsquo;s made you feel concerned? You can contact our counselling team at <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a> as well as suggesting they speak to Kids Helpline (AU), Kidsline (ANZ) or Lifeline (ANZ).</li></ol>Counsellors are online for Canteen Connect 10am-10pm AEST Mon-Thu, 10am-6pm AEST Fri and 11am-6pm AEST Sat-Sun. If you are unable to reach us and need to speak to someone, we recommend Kids Helpline (Australia). They support young people aged 5-25 and are available 24/7. If you&rsquo;re in Aotearoa New Zealand and are under 18, you can call Kidsline. If you&rsquo;re over 18, Lifeline is available. For urgent and confidential support, you can reach Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or webchat through their website. In Aotearoa New Zealand, Kidsline are on 0800 54 37 54 or you can call Lifeline on 0800 543 354. If you are dealing with an emergency and need help immediately, please call 000 (AU) or 111 (ANZ).Canteen Connect welcomes and appreciates your feedback. You can contact us at <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a> about:<ul><li>What we are doing right</li><li> What we could be doing better</li><li>What you&rsquo;d like to see</li><li>Suggestions for updates to these guidelines</li></ul>

Canteen Community Guidelines

CanTeen

Now that your active treatment is finished, you are considered to be in the &lsquo;survivorship&rsquo; stage. Shifting from &lsquo;patient&rsquo; to &lsquo;survivor&rsquo; can bring up lots of different emotions.You may feel relieved that treatment is over, excited about the future, grateful and determined to get the most out of life.But you also might feel low, tired, anxious, concerned about changes in your appearance or worried about the future.Although happy to be alive,&nbsp;some cancer&nbsp;survivors may feel guilty that they survived while other people with cancer didn&rsquo;t. This &lsquo;survivor guilt&rsquo; can be especially hard for young people, particularly if you formed strong friendships or connections with people in hospital or through support groups who have died.If you are experiencing any of these feelings, it can be really helpful to talk to your nurse, social worker or a counsellor here on CanTeen Connect.<div data-oembed="https://youtu.be/ubudDvhMyDY" data-oembed-type="video" data-oembed-provider="youtube"><iframe width="480" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ubudDvhMyDY?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></div><h4>Coping with loss</h4>Learning to cope with losses is part of the process of getting back to &lsquo;normal&rsquo;. The best thing you can do is acknowledge the things you have lost, and allow yourself to grieve for them.Some losses, like hair or a body part, are the most visible to you and others &ndash; and can be tough to deal with.But you can also feel grief for the loss of &lsquo;invisible&rsquo; but important things like:<ul><li>time spent away from your regular life, and chances you missed.</li><li>experiences, like missing your year 12 formal, or playing in the rugby final.</li><li>relationships and friendships.</li><li>self-esteem, if you look different or just feel less sure of yourself after everything that has happened.</li><li>independence &ndash; loss of mobility, being unable to do certain things on your own, having to rely on family for help, or just not being able to do things like travel or play sport. It could also be the loss of a job or financial independence.</li><li>dreams you had for the future.</li><li>your role in the family, or your circle of friends, or your romantic relationship may have changed. It can take time to figure out a new identity; and while you&rsquo;re working on it you might feel lost and purposeless.</li><li>while we often think of routines being boring, they&rsquo;re comfortable because they give our lives structure.</li></ul>There will never be a complete substitute for the things you have lost. But eventually you can take comfort in other things.For example, you may have missed out on starting Uni with all your mates and that&rsquo;s something you&rsquo;ll never get back. But if you start Uni later on, you can maybe feel happy that you managed to achieve that goal, despite the challenges, and you got there in the end.It can help to talk to others who understand what you're going through or a counsellor. You can do both (or one or the other) here on CanTeen Connect.<h4>Feelings about leaving the hospital/treatment team</h4>It&rsquo;s the moment you&rsquo;ve been waiting for &ndash; so why does it feel so scary?It&rsquo;s normal to feel anxious. It comes when we experience something new or foreign. You may have spent so long in hospital that you&rsquo;ve become used to the security of it.&nbsp;You&rsquo;ve been surrounded by other people with cancer, and you&rsquo;ve had nurses and medical staff to care for you 24/7.You will be okay. Before you leave the hospital, talk to your treatment team about things you can do to ensure you have all the ongoing support you need, like:<ul><li>Have the phone number of your doctor, Cancer Care Coordinator and/or the hospital somewhere that everyone in the house can see it.</li><li>Discuss a plan of action with everyone in the house so they know what to do if you get sick.</li><li>Arrange for a nurse or social worker from the hospital to come and check on you for the first couple of weeks.</li><li>Book your next follow up appointment with your doctor.</li><li>Know that you can call your doctor or nurse at any time if you&rsquo;re worried about anything at all.</li></ul><h4>Settling in at home</h4>Sometimes people may expect that once they return back home, everything will go back to how it once was, even though on the inside and outside, they know that things are no longer the same.This won&rsquo;t be easy for anyone involved. There are new routines to get used to, and living with other people again means dealing with all their moods and issues. You might have to rely on them still to help you do basic things like get dressed or go to the toilet.Even when you&rsquo;re surrounded by others, you might feel isolated. Sometimes you will just want to be alone.Try to be patient and honest with the people you share your space with, and talk to them about your feelings and needs. They are also dealing with a lot of change and after a while things will settle down as you all get used to the new situation. Communicate your needs to them &ndash; you can&rsquo;t expect them to know what you want if you don&rsquo;t tell them.

Coping with life after cancer treatment

Life after Treatment

It&rsquo;s pretty likely that every one of your relationships has been affected in some way by your cancer experience.After everything you&rsquo;ve been through, your role in your family, group of friends or relationships is going to be different. You have changed &ndash; and so of course your relationships with others have changed. You might feel more mature and stronger than before and think different things are important now.<h6></h6>&nbsp;<h6>Family roles and relationships</h6>Many families expect everything to return to normal (however they define that) when your treatment ends. But be prepared &ndash; you, and your family, may have changed permanently.<ul><li>Try to be patient with your family as they adjust. It may be hard for them to give you back your independence, or to know how to talk about your cancer.</li><li>Spend some time experimenting with new routines and finding out what works for the whole family. Continue to find ways to talk to and support each other and work together on making a &lsquo;new normal&rsquo;.</li></ul><h6></h6>&nbsp;<h6>Relationships with friends</h6>You may feel disconnected from your old friends and that you can&rsquo;t relate to them as much anymore. Maybe you feel like you have been forced to grow up faster than them and now feel more mature. Or maybe you have missed out on a lot of opportunities to socialise with people your age and you feel like your friends have moved on and left you behind.<ul><li>As you try to return to &lsquo;ordinary&rsquo; life, you may find that you need to rethink and even end some friendships. This may have happened anyway &ndash; cancer or no cancer.</li><li>As you begin to realise what is important and interesting to you, give yourself opportunities to meet people who have similar interests and values. Maybe you could join a club or a team, or connect with people online.&nbsp;You can&nbsp;join CanTeen&rsquo;s online community&nbsp;for young people affected by cancer.</li></ul>&nbsp;<h6>Relationship with your partner</h6>If you have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend who has been with you during your cancer experience your relationship has probably changed (for better or worse).You may have dealt with some struggles and not communicated as well as you did before cancer. You might find that your attitude to things and your outlook on life has changed and this can affect your relationship.But some couples find that going through something like this together strengthens their relationship and reinforces their closeness and commitment to each other.Due to cancer, you may be dealing with changes in your appearance, body image and sexuality.&nbsp;Talk to your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend about how you&rsquo;re feeling so they know what&rsquo;s going on in your head and can support you.If you&rsquo;re having ongoing issues with body image or sex that are affecting your relationship, talk to someone in your YCS team or a counsellor.&nbsp;<h6>If you&rsquo;re single</h6>If you&rsquo;re single, you may be stressing out about how to start meeting people again and when to tell them about your cancer.Cancer may have affected your confidence, self-esteem and appearance. Some people worry that they are less attractive and will find it difficult to form new relationships. Many wonder whether &ndash; and how &ndash; they will tell future partners about their cancer, particularly if their fertility has been affected.&nbsp;<div data-oembed="https://youtu.be/VpoNTmNkSzA" data-oembed-type="video" data-oembed-provider="youtube"><iframe width="480" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VpoNTmNkSzA?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>