Welcome to CanTeen Connect!

Hi! I’m Katherine! I just turned 12 and this is my first post! I love maths and anything crafty. I’m really interested in science to! When I was 8 my mum was diagnosed with a rare and inflammatory breast cancer. I was only 8 so, not everything made sense to me. I remember a week of so before Easter mum came home from the hospital crying. She announced her diagnosis and everyone started crying. I just stood there, dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do, whether I was supposed to cry, or just stand there. After a group hug I ran to my room, then it started to make sense, I didn’t get it, but I understood it was a bad thing. So I started crying. I mean, a little overwhelming for an 8 year old.A year later and after a series of chemotherapy and radiation (when I was 9), mum had a Mastectomy. It was actually planned for my birthday! But thankfully mum changed the date. Phew. When I went to visit her in hospital she was different. I kept on looking at the empty space on her chest, I couldn’t help it, I just did. There was a lot of problems that year. Things like the wound not closing, a lot of excess fluid giving mum pain. Ugh.Then when I was 10 things started taking shape! Mum began to be herself again, she was happier, more energetic. We did things and everything was going great!It all went down hill from then.I was now 11, starting grade 5! Excited for a good class and great teacher. It was the first time my bestest ever friend was in my class since prep! I had a great first month or so of school, then suddenly one afternoon mum comes home crying worse than ever before. Terminal lung and liver cancer. Terminal=Forever. No cure. Last year was one of absolute disaster. Anyway, I was so scared. Thinking about losing her! It could happen. But I know it won’t, I’m keeping strong!Mum was having this treatment, it wasn’t chemo, but it was like it. She found out the tumour on her liver was shrinking! It was all really good until (brace yourself) the treatment wasn’t working on her lung. The lung tumour kept growing and growing. Apparently it’s like a tree that is literally squashing her lung, literally. Now she is on what they call the Red chemo. The worst chemo you can get. And oh man, it really is the worst. She has to have 6 rounds of it then we will know if it is working or not. If not there is nothing they can do. It will work though!But what angers me is the carelessness of people. They are always joking about cancer. One boy said “Sean has Cancer in his face!” In a stupid voice, and then he laughed. I went up to him and said “if you had it you wouldn’t be laughing” and put on the dirtiest look. Guess what he said, Meh. I have gone through 4 years of absolute rubbish and he doesn’t care. People really need to be educated about these things...Thanks Everyone ;)

My parent has cancer

Mum’s 4 Year Journey

My parent survived cancer

My parent died from cancer

My Parent's Cancer

Hi My Name Is CharlieAnd I was wondering if anyone else knows how it feels to feel like you are forgetting your loved ones. Someday's I can't even remember her and it's only been 4.5 years. I don't remember&nbsp;what she looked like, what she smelled like, and what she was like... Some day's I miss her so much that when I watch videos or look at photos she doesn't even look like my mum. I feel like I've dishonored her by forgetting her. I've been told by people "it's normal to forget" and "it's the healthy thing" but for me it doesn't feel that way. She wouldn't give up on me. So why can't I even remember her.

Trying Not To Forget

My sibling died from cancer

Grief & Bereavement

Y’know, I wish that I didn’t have to write this.But I feel as if I have to.Because loneliness affects each and everyone of us. It can strike at a moment’s notice, or slowly creep into our lives, unswayed by our feeble attempts to keep busy as we feel it inch closer and closer. At times you might feel that your current emotions are so alien to others that it’s better to just mask them and go about your day. Being open and vulnerable is still scary, and to many quite taboo.There are things we can’t talk to others about, whether they are secrets, or we’re not sure how they might react to certain information, or we think we don’t have anyone to talk to. There are times when you may try to convey something, and nobody is picking up on that signal, or completely misinterpreting your message, and that can have negative effects on your own mental state.Sometimes we can feel isolated from everyone else. Whether physically, emotionally, or mentally it can be quite jarring and taxing on a person. All it takes in this day and age is to have a phone with no reception or Wi-Fi, and we can find ourselves cut off from everyone and everything. Being alone with our thoughts can be confronting, and the dread brought on by the impeding nothingness can be crippling. We can also be surrounded by people, but at the same time feel so alone, unwanted, or uncared for.As a bereaved offspring member there are days when I wake up and I’m already in the dumps, a sea of negative emotion, and missing someone who isn’t physically here. As I write this it has been about 8 and a half years since dad passed away, but lo and behold, grief doesn’t really care about linear time, and works rather like a wave, coming and going and will continue to do so throughout my life. I’ve come to terms with that and will do my best to keep my head above water each time that wave rolls by. But I also know that sometimes I’ll get knocked down and be overwhelmed, and that is perfectly fine.In life we are faced with so many sink or swim moments. We, the oh so lucky few who have experienced the effects of cancer within our young lives know this first hand. But it really doesn’t matter whether you find yourself in that moment, emotionally sinking into despair or swimming to remain strong on the surface as both are perfectly acceptable responses. What matters is what you do next.Isolation in periods of moderation can be beneficial. Time to yourself to relax, think things over, plan your next move. It may be difficult, but sometimes you have to convince yourself (and not just remind yourself) that you are not alone. You may find yourself at times where you don’t have a support network, and have no idea where to turn to, or what to do or say. It’s important at these times to stop for a moment and re-evaluate the important things in your life. If something is bringing you negativity or toxicity, it may be best to cut that from your life, as heart wrenching as that may be. There are people out there who can understand, relate to what you’re going through, and care for you. You just have to seek them out, or realise that they’re there.“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”~ Albus DumbledoreThose of us who are going through or have been through a cancer journey have had to grow up quickly, and deal with the many issues of the adult world presented to us. For some they have had to grow up so quickly that they forget to live. I think it’s important at times to reflect on yourself, see where we’re headed, and decide if that’s where we want to go. We may not be able to change the past, but we can accept it, and the lessons that have shaped us into the people we are today. We can always look to the future, realise that there is always that flicker of hope, that little reminder of dreams, promises, plans, and wishes that keep us going. And we can use that to pull ourselves out of the darkness and guide us towards whatever we need in that moment.So to every CanTeen member out there, every single one of you who read this, please remember that you are loved, you are unique and amazing, you are so full of potential and will go on to do great things, you are not alone.I hope that you all hold onto that hope inside you, that inextinguishable flame that drives you forward. I hope that you are brave and fight for the things you want. I hope that you are vulnerable, and can embrace your emotions, and open yourselves up to others. I hope that you are kind to all, but especially to yourself. And no matter which way our journeys lead us, I hope that you have fun.&nbsp;With all my love,- Alana. :)

My sibling survived cancer

I'm a young person with cancer

I survived cancer

My sibling has cancer

Loneliness, Isolation, and the lingering feeling of Hope.

Wellbeing and Self Care

Hey I haven’t been on here in a while but a lot of stuff has happened. My mum has finished her chemo and is going to have surgery soon. Sadly I can’t be there when she goes in because of school but I promised her that I’ll be there when she gets out. I can’t wait because this’ll be a big step in her treatment and she’s getting further down the road of recovery.

My mum is having surgery soon!!

Going through treatment

My Story

Hey everyone today is day 70 of my treatment of my bone marrow transplant by far the toughest experience of my life but I can say proudly I'm getting better everyday <iframe class="ql-video" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lnNGIQpYXpc?showinfo=0"></iframe>

70 day Update Of Bone Marrow transplant

My Treatment

At the request of some of our awesome Connect leaders, let's chat about what it's like to try and 'figure out the new normal' after a cancer experience. How have you adapted to a life that's a bit different to what you expected? What helped you adjust? This is a topic that many of the Connect community have wisdom to share about... so come along, and meet other young people here who understand what you're going through. You can even just listen :) BYO cuppa or coffee!Hosted by Cara (Connect staff member). Have questions about this session? cara.dahl@canteen.org.au -Click interested to receive an email with the weblink-Via Zoom, using weblink for PC or laptop or download the Zoom Cloud app for mobile/tablet.Join us at 1130am NSW/QLD/VIC/ACT/TAS, 930am WA, 11am NT/SA or 130pm NZ :)

Online

Digital Brunch: Figuring out 'the new normal' after cancer [Online Video Group Session]

Weekends are not quite the same since lock down so this is a great excuse to zoom in and meet up with other members. We have a scavenger hunt lined up where you will need to find things around your house, outside, online and in teams solving puzzles to win some awesome Canteen merch!Bring your lunch for a laugh afterwards. See you then!If you have any questions, contact Sarah 0447 710 541 or tas.programs@canteen.org.au

Can you find ..... Scavenger Hunt

People

Connect with peers

Discussions

Share my story

Events

Get involved

Resources

Get information

Chat to a counsellor

Counselling

CanTeen is committed to providing a safe and inclusive service for all people regardless of their ethnicity, culture, faith, disability, sexuality, gender, or economic situation. If you need an interpreter, please feel free to contact the Australian Government interpreting service on 131 450 or InfoNOW Aotearoa New Zealand on 0800 656 656. <ol><li>Keep it respectful: Everyone has different beliefs and values. It is important that everyone feels welcome to have their say, especially regarding their own lived experience. You might not always agree with another&rsquo;s opinion or approach, but you should still be respectful of everyone in this space.</li><li>Keep it safe: As a member of Canteen Connect, you have the right to feel safe and respected. If you see something that is offensive, inappropriate, worrisome, or spam, please report it. This applies to both posts and private messages &ndash; please note private messages will only be visible to staff if reported.</li><li>Keep it private: We know that privacy is important to you. It&rsquo;s important to us too. Remember that you can always choose to make your discussion post private. CanTeen Connect&rsquo;s content is viewable without a log-in, including non-private posts, your username and image. That&rsquo;s why we encourage you to create a username that keeps you anonymous and does not include your first and last name. When speaking about your experience, please do not name hospitals, doctors, medications or specific medical advice you&rsquo;ve been given. If you&rsquo;d like to learn more you can read our privacy policy here <a href="https://www.canteen.org.au/privacy-policy/">https://www.canteen.org.au/privacy-policy/</a></li><li>Keep it appropriate: Our admins may remove any content that could be considered harmful or identifying personal information (phone number, address, school, etc.) If your post is removed, admin will contact you to explain why. </li><li>Keep it peer-based: CanTeen Connect&rsquo;s discussion spaces are designed for peer support, not professional advice. As every person&rsquo;s situation is different, nothing can replace the advice of your or your loved one&rsquo;s treating team of health professionals. Posts providing medical advice will be removed. 
You might notice some young people have -ConnectLeader on the end of their username. These are young people who have been part of Connect for a while, and have volunteered to be part of our online Leadership Program (which includes ongoing meetings, training and development). These Leaders have signed a Code of Conduct, have a good awareness of Connect, and can provide peer support. Connect Leaders are young people just like you, not professionals. If a Leader is concerned about you, they will direct you towards a staff member who can help. If you&rsquo;re interested in Leadership, you can express your interest by emailing <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a></li><li>Keep it simple: We ask that individuals only have one account. If you&rsquo;re having issues accessing the CanTeen Connect community, please contact <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a></li><li>Worried about someone? Has someone private messaged you or left a comment that&rsquo;s made you feel concerned? You can contact our counselling team at <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a> as well as suggesting they speak to Kids Helpline (AU), Kidsline (ANZ) or Lifeline (ANZ).</li></ol>Counsellors are online for Canteen Connect 10am-10pm AEST Mon-Thu and 11am-6pm AEST Fri-Sun. If you are unable to reach us and need to speak to someone, we recommend Kids Helpline (Australia). They support young people aged 5-25 and are available 24/7. If you&rsquo;re in Aotearoa New Zealand and are under 18, you can call Kidsline. If you&rsquo;re over 18, Lifeline is available. For urgent and confidential support, you can reach Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or webchat through their website. In Aotearoa New Zealand, Kidsline are on 0800 54 37 54 or you can call Lifeline on 0800 543 354. If you are dealing with an emergency and need help immediately, please call 000 (AU) or 111 (ANZ).CanTeen Connect welcomes and appreciates your feedback. You can contact us at <a href="mailto:online@canteen.org.au">online@canteen.org.au</a> about:<ul><li>What we are doing right</li><li> What we could be doing better</li><li>What you&rsquo;d like to see</li><li>Suggestions for updates to these guidelines</li></ul>

CanTeen Community Guidelines

CanTeen

It&rsquo;s up to you to decide who you do or don&rsquo;t tell that you&rsquo;ve got cancer, and how much you tell them about what&rsquo;s going on.Deciding who to tell and what to say is difficult. You might be avoiding telling friends or other people because you&rsquo;re worried about how they will react.It&rsquo;s normal to be worried about how they will react and whether they will treat you differently. But usually once people understand what you&rsquo;re going through they can be a great source of support.<div data-oembed="https://youtu.be/ufYQcG4qwRg" data-oembed-type="video" data-oembed-provider="youtube"><iframe width="480" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ufYQcG4qwRg?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></div><h4> 
Tips for telling people you have cancer</h4>&nbsp;<ul><li>Think about what you want to say. 
You could write it down, or even practice it with someone in your family. Maybe you could find someone who&rsquo;s been in a similar situation and ask them how they handled it.</li><li>Be prepared for weird reactions. 
Sometimes friends act weird when you tell them what&rsquo;s going on. They might ask some uncomfortable questions as well. Remember that they might not fully understand and are probably shocked by the news. They may have no idea what to say or do, or be worried about saying the wrong thing or upsetting you.</li><li>If it&rsquo;s too hard to talk, try other ways to share the news. 
Try putting it in an email or DM or maybe on Facebook (if you want your whole social network to know!). Or send them a link to this website where they can read about the kinds of things you&rsquo;re going through and ways they can support you.</li><li>Decide who to tell. 
Talking about cancer with your closest friends and family can be challenging, but what do you do about telling people in your wider social circle, like work colleagues or sport teammates?If you work, you may have to tell your immediate supervisor or your human resources manager or both if your treatment involves you taking time off. They may also be able to help in other ways, such as reducing work hours or helping with physical access. 
 
If you are a student, there is no legal obligation in Australia for you to tell your school, Uni or TAFE about it. But if you think your cancer will affect your marks and ability to meet course requirements, it is a good idea to tell your teachers. There is normally a student liaison office or services centre that can help you with your workload or deferring exams if necessary. Don&rsquo;t forget that you get a say in who knows at school. If you would rather not tell people, ask your year coordinator or teachers to maintain your privacy.Ask your YCS Cancer Care Coordinator for advice about who to contact. 
 
</li></ul>

Telling People You Have Cancer

Practical Tips

It&rsquo;s pretty likely that every one of your relationships has been affected in some way by your cancer experience.After everything you&rsquo;ve been through, your role in your family, group of friends or relationships is going to be different. You have changed &ndash; and so of course your relationships with others have changed. You might feel more mature and stronger than before and think different things are important now.<h6></h6>&nbsp;<h6>Family roles and relationships</h6>Many families expect everything to return to normal (however they define that) when your treatment ends. But be prepared &ndash; you, and your family, may have changed permanently.<ul><li>Try to be patient with your family as they adjust. It may be hard for them to give you back your independence, or to know how to talk about your cancer.</li><li>Spend some time experimenting with new routines and finding out what works for the whole family. Continue to find ways to talk to and support each other and work together on making a &lsquo;new normal&rsquo;.</li></ul><h6></h6>&nbsp;<h6>Relationships with friends</h6>You may feel disconnected from your old friends and that you can&rsquo;t relate to them as much anymore. Maybe you feel like you have been forced to grow up faster than them and now feel more mature. Or maybe you have missed out on a lot of opportunities to socialise with people your age and you feel like your friends have moved on and left you behind.<ul><li>As you try to return to &lsquo;ordinary&rsquo; life, you may find that you need to rethink and even end some friendships. This may have happened anyway &ndash; cancer or no cancer.</li><li>As you begin to realise what is important and interesting to you, give yourself opportunities to meet people who have similar interests and values. Maybe you could join a club or a team, or connect with people online.&nbsp;You can&nbsp;join CanTeen&rsquo;s online community&nbsp;for young people affected by cancer.</li></ul>&nbsp;<h6>Relationship with your partner</h6>If you have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend who has been with you during your cancer experience your relationship has probably changed (for better or worse).You may have dealt with some struggles and not communicated as well as you did before cancer. You might find that your attitude to things and your outlook on life has changed and this can affect your relationship.But some couples find that going through something like this together strengthens their relationship and reinforces their closeness and commitment to each other.Due to cancer, you may be dealing with changes in your appearance, body image and sexuality.&nbsp;Talk to your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend about how you&rsquo;re feeling so they know what&rsquo;s going on in your head and can support you.If you&rsquo;re having ongoing issues with body image or sex that are affecting your relationship, talk to someone in your YCS team or a counsellor.&nbsp;<h6>If you&rsquo;re single</h6>If you&rsquo;re single, you may be stressing out about how to start meeting people again and when to tell them about your cancer.Cancer may have affected your confidence, self-esteem and appearance. Some people worry that they are less attractive and will find it difficult to form new relationships. Many wonder whether &ndash; and how &ndash; they will tell future partners about their cancer, particularly if their fertility has been affected.&nbsp;<div data-oembed="https://youtu.be/VpoNTmNkSzA" data-oembed-type="video" data-oembed-provider="youtube"><iframe width="480" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VpoNTmNkSzA?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>